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Grief after bereavement or loss

Most people experience grief when they lose something or someone important to them. If these feelings are affecting your life, there are things you can try that may help.

Support is also available if you're finding it hard to cope with stress, anxiety or depression.

Symptoms of bereavement, grief and loss

Bereavement, grief and loss can cause many different symptoms and they affect people in different ways. There's no right or wrong way to feel.

As well as bereavement, there are other types of loss such as the end of a relationship or losing a job or home.

Some of the most common symptoms include:

  • shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to loss, and people often talk about "being in a daze"
  • overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
  • tiredness or exhaustion
  • anger – towards the person you've lost or the reason for your loss
  • guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or did not say, or not being able to stop your loved one dying

These feelings may not be there all the time and powerful feelings may appear unexpectedly.

It's not always easy to recognise when bereavement, grief or loss are the reason you're acting or feeling differently.

Stages of bereavement or grief

Some research suggests that there are 5 stages of bereavement or grief:

  • Denial – feelings of shock, disbelief, panic or confusion
  • Anger – feelings and behaviours such as blaming yourself or blaming others
  • Depression – feeling tired, hopeless or helpless – like you have lost perspective or feel isolated
  • Bargaining – feelings of guilt often raise questions like "If only I had done more"
  • Acceptance – this does not mean that you like the situation, it’s about accepting your loss and being ready to move forward

These are the most common stages of grief, but you may not experience them all. If you do go through these stages, they may not happen in a particular order and you may not move smoothly between them.

You might also experience other feelings as well as those mentioned.

Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings will eventually become less intense over time.

Read more about what grief can feel like on the Mind website

Things you can try to help with bereavement, grief and loss

Do

Don’t

  • do not try to do everything at once – set small targets that you can easily achieve

  • do not focus on the things you cannot change – focus your time and energy into helping yourself feel better

  • try not to tell yourself that you're alone – most people feel grief after a loss and support is available

  • try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve grief – these can all contribute to poor mental health

Information:

Further information and support

You can find further information and support about:

The GOV.UK website also has information about what to do after someone dies, such as registering the death and planning a funeral.

Where to get NHS help for stress, anxiety or depression

Referring yourself for therapy

If you need more support, you can get free talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) on the NHS.

You can refer yourself directly to a talking therapies service without a referral from a GP.

Find an NHS talking therapies service

If you're under 18, or want to get help for someone under 18, find out how to get mental health support for children and young people.

Non-urgent advice: See a GP if:

  • you're struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or a low mood
  • you've had a low mood for more than 2 weeks
  • things you're trying yourself are not helping
  • you would prefer to get a referral from a GP

Urgent advice: Call 111 or ask for an urgent GP appointment if:

  • you need help urgently, but it's not an emergency

111 can tell you the right place to get help if you need to see someone. Go to NHS 111 online or call: 111.

Immediate action required: Call 999 or go to A&E now if:

  • you or someone you know needs immediate help
  • you have seriously harmed yourself – for example, by taking a drug overdose

A mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a medical emergency.

Find your nearest A&E

Information:

Do not drive to A&E. Ask someone to drive you or call 999 and ask for an ambulance.

Bring any medicines you take with you.

Prolonged grief disorder

For most people grief will become less intense over time. But for some people, grief lasts many months or years. This is known as prolonged grief disorder or complicated grief.

Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder include:

  • very difficult feelings such as sadness or guilt for over 6 months
  • spending a lot of time thinking about the person who's died
  • difficulty accepting the death
  • not being able to return to everyday activities
  • suicidal thoughts

You're more likely to have prolonged grief disorder if the death was traumatic or sudden and unexpected.

Non-urgent advice: See a GP if:

  • you have symptoms of prolonged grief disorder
Information:

Find out more about prolonged grief disorder on the Cruse website

Page last reviewed: 12 December 2022
Next review due: 12 December 2025